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Everyday is a struggle for me. And sometimes writing is the only way that I can release some of the stress that I am going through. This is my personal blog, where I go to do my writing. I have insomnia, anxiety, and depression.
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Karma-May 31st, 2012
I don’t go on this blog a lot and it’s probably because writing doesn’t mean as much to me as it once used to. Everyday, this used to be the one thing that I would look forward to and now it’s like, taken away from me. Except, I’m the one that took it away. I try to find words to say the things that I want to talk about but, I never even want to think about them let alone talk about them.
I do have some good news though, for once. It looks like Michael and I will be getting back together. Well, we’ve decided to take things slow and that just makes me really happy. But when I was with him and when I got home, I was too happy. And the whole next day (yesterday) I felt like I didn’t deserve the amount of happiness that I was feeling. Like that I don’t deserve to feel any happiness. I fuck a lot of things up and my mom has cancer, I’m not exactly supposed to feel happy. I feel like these bad things happen for a reason, kinda like karma. That I deserve these bad things. That I don’t deserve the things I felt when I was with Michael, the words that he said. The sweet, sweet words that he says. I couldn’t stop smiling, I couldn’t stop. I want to feel that way again, I want to feel that way everyday.
But I don’t deserve it. I just don’t.
(Source: life-is-a-struggle)
“If a clock could count down to the moment you meet your soul mate, would you want to know?”
(Source: illness-and-instruments, via stay-goldenxo)
How was it so easy for you to just give up, and move on like nothing ever happened?
(Source: kristina-m)
Anonymous Asked: that poem you wrote... indescribable. just utterly omg. just yeah.Wow! Thanks so much! It’s been a really long time since I’ve written, it could be better, but I’m glad with the outcome! Thanks so much :)
The first poem I’ve been able to write in yearrss. It feels so good :)
Tired of the make up break up.
If you ain’t with me for the long term,
Consider me long gone.
Positive you’ve broken every promise you ever made
Over and over again I’m left feeling betrayed
Never wanted anything more than to make you happy
Never realized I was getting treated so crappy.
Reality didn’t hit till about a month ago
It should’ve kicked in earlier though.
I was so into you, so into you
Should’ve known your words were too good to be true
Time and time again I find myself missing you
I really shouldn’t be this blue.
You’re not worthy of a drop of my tears
Not all of this after only a year.
It was never the distance that was the problem
It was you that was the problem
All the lies, all the excuses, all the reasons
Shit man, I don’t even know where to begin
I never asked for much
Just for a little bit of love
No matter what I gave or sacrificed for you
It was never enough
But I’m fooling myself if I say everything we had was bad
Because I never met a guy who made me more glad
And I never met a guy who helped me see
All the potential I had in me
I never met a guy who could make me smile for hours
The love that we had we could only call ours
I will never find a guy who I feel more comfortable with
I guess “first love” isn’t only a myth
If I could go back in time and relive it again
I would go back to when we first began
I would do things better this time
And show you how lucky you are to be mine
Not a day goes by where I don’t miss you
And all the times I could look into your eyes and kiss you
Summer 2011 will forever be remembered
As the love that should’ve never ended
Thank you for showing me what it was like
To look into someones eyes and feel so alive
And although I might never see you again
And although there will always be words left unspoken
I can always promise you this:
In my heart you will forever be missed
(Source: life-is-a-struggle)
I decided to put the ad back on my profile..
Since I’m jobless still, I need to get as much money as possible to help my mom get chemo for her lung cancer. It would really mean a lot if you guys could click the ad in the top left corner and just stay on the page for like, 30 seconds. You don’t have to, but it would be really appreciated. Thanks so much, love you all.
Ever since my mom got cancer,
everytime I go shopping and the cashier asks me if I want to donate to any sort of corporation, no matter what it is, I say yes. I don’t hesitate. Because if I needed that money, like I do, I wouldn’t want anyone saying no to donating to me.
